We like Owen Wilson. In fact, we are not ashamed to say we hold schoolgirl-type crushes on him. But to say we have posters of him above our beds that we kiss before we go to sleep every night, well, that’s just complete and utter lies (if lies are somehow the truth these days).

But things we hear are beginning to worry us. For example, rumours are circulating (first in the New York Post, then instantly everywhere else thanks to the internet) that he likes, well, licking bum cheeks. The Butterscotch Stallion, as he’s becoming increasingly known, hasn’t refuted these claims.

“It’s like, ‘Who cares?’ ” he told ‘Rolling Stone’ magazine. “I play it as it lays. OK, so I may not be the greatest lover in the world. Well, let’s make that angle work. There’s lots of different paths to the waterfall. You don’t have to be Don Juan. And wasn’t it Gloria Steinem who said that women have to be responsible for their own orgasms? Well, I take her at her word. I’ll do my best, OK, but at a certain point you’ve got to, like, you know….”

He also discussed his less-than-studly performance on WGN News in Chicago, saying the only thing he does in bed with a woman that lasts longer than “eight minutes is watch Sports Center”.

Still, even with that information, we’d still volunteer to brush his lovely mane…

++ Wedding Crashers (Rolling Stone) - July 2005