Reese Witherspoon at Oscars 2006As ever, the Oscars this year was a bit of a mixed bag fashion-wise. Some people looked wonderful, some were trying to make a statement and others failed, hideously, and have already reserved their place in the “red carpet fashion horrors” retrospective that all the magazines will run just before the Oscars next year.

So let’s start at the “wonderful” end. Well, Reese Witherspoon, of course. She described it as “very light … it’s an original Dior from 1955. I found it in Paris. And it’s mine, which is nice.” Yes, very nice.

Jessica Alba also contributed to the glamour pile - while the dress as a whole might have looked better on someone with slightly bigger hips (it’s a bit straight-up-and-down on Jessica), the colour of the bodice worked fantastically with her skin tone and the skirt was just perfect.

Jessica Alba and Sandra Bullock at the Oscars 2006

Sandra Bullock’s dress was also very nice - if a bit strange in navy, elegant but not overstated. Her look would have perhaps worked a little better with some decoration above the neck line - a delicate pearl choker perhaps - to break up the skin colour (since she didn’t even go for a strong lip colour to draw the eye).

Hilary Swank, Jennifer Aniston and Rachel Weisz brought more understated elegance in their long black dresses. All lovely (except Jennifer’s peculiar necklace) but not terribly exciting: nice but a safe bet. Rachel did though prove once and for all that black is a slimming colour - she looked less pregnant now than she did a month ago at the BAFTAs.

Hilary Swank, Jennifer Aniston and Rachel Weisz at the Oscars 2006
Charlize Theron also went for black, but statement-making black instead of elegant-black. In most shots, it looks far too stiff and structured. Her gorgeous body was just hidden away beneath the angles and her regular head and hair sticking out the top looked like they’d been made up for a completely different dress.

Charlize Theron, Michelle Williams and Keira Knightley at the Oscars 2006
Michelle Williams also seemed to be going for a statement making dress - it’s just unfortunate that the otherwise nice (if bright) dress seemed to be stating that the whole world should look at Michelle’s groin. Hi there pubic area! Keira Knightley’s dress seemed doing the wrong thing too - rather than making her look elegant, it made her look like she was permanently bent over.

Jennifer Lopez, Uma Thurman and Nicole Kidman at the Oscars 2006
Jennifer Lopez also brought colour to the proceedings but with a not terribly flattering to her hip region train (but then again, the skirt itself would have looked peculiar without it). Ice queens Uma Thurman and Nicole Kidman went for the paler end of the spectrum though: they both looked a bit washed out by their white frocks and Nicole especially looked a bit too over preened for her own good. Her dress also smacked very much of designer wedding dress - I wonder if a celeb’s being thrifty for a change and she’s got another date in mind to wear the dress for a second time…

Helena Bonham Carter at the Oscars 2006
So that just leaves us with the shock frocks. The ones that should never see the light of day again. And yes, we’re looking at you, Helena Bonham Carter. You know you’ve done a bad thing, don’t you? I can see the regret in your face. Not only have you selected a dated dress that makes you look like you have a beer-gut and that you’ve drunkenly snagged your hem while getting out of the car, you’ve accessorised it with 1980s hair, a clashing bag (in both colour and fabric) and mumsy shoes that even the most fashion-impaired bride would reject for being too dull. Oh, and I can tell that you’re planning to get your boobs out to distract us, Ms Bonham Carter but it won’t work I tell you, it won’t work one bit.