As Prince William is reportedly planning a stint in the media before taking up his royal duties full time, I would like to extend an invitation to William - or indeed any top royals - to get his “work experience” at the wonderful world of Fametastic.

Sure, we’re not a national newspaper but we are an international hub of celebrity gossip, and we offer:

  • the opportunity to “enjoy” cheesy erotic fiction masquerading as a kiss-and-tell article in the tabloid press
  • and speaking of enjoyable tasks, you’ll also have access to scarily high-res versions of upskirt images, allowing you to carefully assess the abilities of the starlet’s bikini waxer*
  • unlimited cups of tea**
  • and full access to our cupboard of Jaffa cakes***
  • the opportunity for you to cultivate a finely honed bullsh*t detector for those more outlandish tabloid stories or over-polished authorised interviews
  • fully expensed Mr Whippy ice creams on Friday afternoons in the summer****
  • a chance for you to develop an almost encyclopaedic but practically pointless knowledge of celebrity trivia with which to bore your friends (and quite possibly also bore yourself)
  • the luxury of knowing that your job brings happiness to thousands upon thousands of people every day

* warning: may cause nightmares
** actually limited to 3 per day. And you have to make them. And you have to make them for us too. I like milk, two sugars. Heather, milk, no sugar.
*** but only to pass them to us. Mmm, jaffa cakes.
**** one scoop only, plain cone. A flake if you’ve been good.
***** the opportunity to add additional footnotes to posts just for the hell of it