Purity rings and pledges piss me off - and Jordin Sparks’ comment has pissed me off even more: having sex, or being open to the idea of having sex, does not make you a slut.

I’m not saying everyone should automatically leap into bed (or the backseat) with everyone else whether they want to or not, but I think it’s wrong to make such a formal pledge and public display out of the decision not to. Research indicates that teens who make an informal promise to themselves, not to anyone else and not to gain a pretty ring, are far more likely to delay their first sexual experience than those that have taken a formal virginity pledge.

If you make a big hullabaloo about it and shut yourself off to the idea of sex and sexual acts before marriage, you’ll shut yourself off to a crucial part of growing up and working out who you are. And studies show that teens who take chastity pledges are just as likely to have sex as other young people, but are far more likely to do it without protection from STDs or pregnancy - and if you’ve taken a very public pledge but then do have sex, it’s going to be harder to admit it afterwards so even harder to seek potentially necessary medical help or emotional support.

Don’t feel forced into it - either sex or not having sex - by anyone else. It’s got to be YOUR decision. And it doesn’t need to be a decision you discuss with anyone else.

If you don’t want to have sex yet, don’t have sex. If you don’t want to have sex before you’re married, don’t have sex until you’ve exchanged your vows with your partner. If you want to have sex, have sex - SAFE SEX - and don’t let anyone make you feel bad for doing it.

Find a partner who you can trust and relax with and start experimenting. Don’t be forced into anything you don’t want to do but if you do want to do something, run with that: it’s hard to find out what you like unless you try it. And don’t forget, kissing a girl if you’re a girl or a boy if you’re a boy doesn’t make you gay - it makes you someone who is brave enough to try different things to find out more about themselves. It might do nothing for you or it might be like switching on a light in a dark room, helping you suddenly see yourself more clearly.

  • In the UK, you can pick up free condoms at your local “Contraceptive and Sexual Health” clinic (the FPA website lets you search for the nearest one) or at specialist centres like the Brook Advisory Centres. Most have dedicated drop-in sessions for under 25 year olds so you don’t need to make an appointment - just call in and pick them up. It’s much better to have them and not need them, than need them and not have them.